Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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