I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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