he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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