I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
