Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
