i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
