we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
