PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
