From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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