saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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