I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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