I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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