my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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