Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
