I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i think i scared a bird with my dick
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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