True but thats because hes a fetus.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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