Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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