I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
