Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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