i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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