FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
