The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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