So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
