You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
