Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
