Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
