the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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