dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
