You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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