College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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