She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
