I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
