Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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