Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
