my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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