she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
