how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
