Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
