he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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