Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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