Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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