My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
