Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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