we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize