woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
