How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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