We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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