I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize