the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
