Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
be right there i have to get my cape
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
