I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
