walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
