Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
