my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
