she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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