curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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