No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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