u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
