Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
