meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
