the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
