I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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