"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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