Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just threw up on my dentist
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
