if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
