I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
