Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
