I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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