Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
