i need an iv and a liver transplant
the condom got lost in my hair
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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