i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize