I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
