she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
