I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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