i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
